Apparently, another thing I'm chock-full of is not knowing stuff
I have a new plaything.
Not in the physical sense. Well, yes actually, in the physical sense. However, not just in the physical sense, and not in the “this is going to result in sex” kind of way. Just in the super fun “I get to torture someone and be tortured in the way I like with absolutely no expectations attached at all” kind of way.
It is amazingly refreshing. I’m not intimidated, I don’t feel pressured, I don’t sense strings attached, I don’t feel like I would have to change myself, or hide any part of myself to be accepted or liked. That feels amazing, to have that level of acceptance an understanding. It’s so fucking freeing.
But yes, back to my original point, its not the physical side of things that excites me so, (although, clearly that does too. tentacles ugh yes, finally) its the mental stimulation.
I feel as though I will gain back my vocabulary just by being around said plaything, not because theirs is the same as mine, but because they seem to be the kind of person to understand and not judge my use of words. I only have one or two constant-people like that in my life right now.
It reminds me of Dan. I didn’t have to use words correctly with him, because he knew the abstract way in which I was using them. He wouldn’t correct me, because he followed my thought process and continued the conversation accordingly. I’ve missed that. I had it with Sarah, and with Nikki and Caillin, I have it with Jake and Andrew, and sometimes others. It’s nice knowing though, that there are people out there who haven’t needed to grow up with me to understand my way with words. I’m not some obscure language you need to study to comprehend. I make sense to others.